2019-03-20 17:58 供稿單位: 新航道
Some people believe that the purpose of education is to produce good citizens and workers for society. Other, however, think the purpose of education is to help young people achieve their personal ambitions.
Discuss both of the views and give your own opinion.
In the modern society, education is viewed the basement of country development, even the basic education is free or very low expense in most of countries. <<< 意思離題較遠。應該依托題目的立意來寫第一句： For some people, particularly people from unprivileged backgrounds, education is the ladder leading to a higher socioeconomical status.<<< 暗示了題目中的 personal ambitions，習慣性地把要反駁的放在前面說，然后反駁：However, is that the true mission of education in those countries? <<< 問句是一種措辭技巧，因為沒有直說，所以可以吸引讀者的閱讀注意力。接下來，回答自己的提問：In fact, education is to serve a society as a whole and to cultivate civilized and productive citizens. <<< 注意語法點：動詞不定式表目的，正好符合題目討論purpose（目的）的需要。
Obviously, a good breeding and education is important and helpfulto for achieve personal success attainment, especially to for youngpersons people. For example, when young persons people begin to find work seek employment, the first impression may be given by status of their educational background, such as the level of education, the score in the institute and so on most employers look for the applicants’ educational experiences before they read other descriptions. <<< 體會這句話的想法的巧妙，沒有直說成“教育背景是打動雇主的第一項”。More importantly In addition, the professional knowledge is useful to get better achievement. there are many cases of success in which those who have met personal ambitions are well-educated. <<< 故意把道理反過來推，邏輯是“因為許多成功人士是接受過良好教育的，所以教育是為了實現個人成功的”，這個邏輯明顯有漏洞，有漏洞就對了，正好接下來反駁： However, education may facilitate the actualization of one’s aspirations, but it servesmissions that are more important.
Compared to the personal ambitions, the advantage service of education is bigger, to for cultivate a society well-behaved and capable nation <<< 題目中的good可以理解為well-behaved, 題目中的workers可以理解為capable的人. A little improvement on every person will cause huge enhancement on society. <<< 這個信息多余。Firstly, good culture education can produce nice citizens, <<< 等于什么都沒說呀。and nice citizens form harmonious society, which produces more nice citizens again. 從教育的普遍性切入：nearly every citizen of a nation goes to school. In other words, education touches and enlightens nearly every soul <<< 對應good，因為好人內心善良 and mind <<< 對應workers，因為工作的人總得有點頭腦 and only education can have such an extensive effect. Since this is anexclusive advantage of education, education must be responsible for the entire community as a whole. Secondly, good technology education can train the professional workers, and these workers can make perfect produces, and they can get higher payment and richer livers. Besides, the improvement of whole quality of all people is also the result of education, which is good at learning work technology, improving art cultivation and understanding the policies of countries. <<< 內容偏向了教育“能”做什么，而不是“為什么應該”做什么，需要重新考慮，比如時間： In addition, citizens are not born to be well-behaved and productive; instead, it takes years for a country to cultivate good and capable citizens. It is only education that has the time and patience. Education lasts a long-enough period, usually continuing until an individual’s twenties <<< 分詞伴隨狀語. It is also available at any point of a lifetime. For example, there are institutions of increasing levels – primary and secondary schools and universities, and nearly twenty years of a person are spent in these programs.
The most education institutes are created by the social institutes or the countries, <<< 是文章主體部分沒有提及的新內容，不可以。 and the service object is the common people, so the purpose of education is for social advantage. Although the education can help young people to achieve their ambitions, Educational institutions can indeed lead young individuals to personal success. However, education is not that simple. The most purpose is for society more significant. <<< 籠統總結，內容不要太詳細，措辭處理一下就好。